How many of us see our money as a trusted,
supportive friend who is there for us at all
stages of our life? Or, is your experience
with money more like a trip to the dentist -
you know it's good for you, but oh, so
unpleasant. Maybe you're more like
Scarlet O'Hara with your money - "I'll think
about it tomorrow. For some of us our
money plays out like a controlling parent who
spoils our fun and restricts our freedom. Or
perhaps your dreams of comfort and ease in
retirement are eclipsed by visions of yourself
as a bag lady?
I know I'm not painting a pretty picture here,
but I've been in the financial planning
business for over 20 years and I am
constantly amazed by how few people I meet
that have a joyful, healthy, supportive
relationship with their money. Even people
who have a lot of it! With so much focus on
money in our culture, it strikes me as tragic
that we spend so much energy on it - either
avoiding it, obsessing about it, worrying
about it, controlling it, but where's the joy, the
satisfaction, the reward?
Most of us have very complex relationships
with money and it has a very powerful
influence on our life - on the work we chose,
our personal relationships, our sense of self.
So we certainly have lots of reasons to a
have good, healthy relationship with money.
So why don't we? What stops us from
making friends with our money?
Mostly I don't think that it's cash that we lack,
but an awareness of what role it plays in our
life, what our beliefs are and what emotions
are tied into our dealings with money. Most of
us also lack good role models - we see
corporate greed on the one hand, poverty on
the other - god knows many of our parents
didn't know how to handle money
successfully. We aren't taught about it in
schools and we don't often get a chance to
talk openly and honestly about money and
our feelings about it.
What is Your "Money Story"?
In the work that I do with clients, I spend as
much time listening to clients tell me about
the guilt, the shame, the worry, the fears that
they have around money. Just last week I
was reviewing a client's income and
expenses worksheet and she was struck by
how much anxiety she was experiencing
when we tallied the numbers. She talked
about the fear of being judged, the worry
about facing reality, the shame of not being
further along financially than she was, her
fear for the future.
Another client I worked with had a large
family inheritance but was overwhelmed with
a sense of responsibility to "do the right
thing" with the money. She described how
she felt like a child with her mother still
watching and monitoring what she did with
the money.
These are the kinds of stories I hear all the
time and I'm sure you have your own money
story. So long as it's kept hidden within you,
the influences will likely show up somewhere
in how you relate to money and often times
these factors limit your ability to be
successful with money, and more
importantly, with your life.
What is a Healthy Relationship with
Money?
In a healthy relationship with money, your
money supports you to live a satisfying,
fulfilling and meaningful life and you in turn,
respect your money enough to learn how it
works, to be honest with where you stand
with it, and to do the best you can with it.
How do you know if your Relationship
with Money is Healthy?
Start by examining your beliefs and thoughts
about money and reflect on your experience
with money (past and present). How did
your parents handle money? Was it a
source of stress in your family when you
were growing up? Are you satisfied with the
amount of money you have? Do you feel
confident that you have enough money to live
the life that you want? Do you avoid opening
your bills? Are you a shopoholic? Do you put
off making financial decisions and taking
control of your money?
Making Friends with your Money
I know it's tempting to think that more money
will solve your problems, but 'more' doesn't
guarantee a better relationship with money or
increased happiness. I just read that 70% of
lottery winners blow their winnings within a
few years and end up where they started - or
worse. And a recent Maclean's survey found
that, as long as a person's income was at
least $40,000, more money didn't mean
greater happiness. The real key to financial
satisfaction isn't
measured in dollars and cents, but in how
successfully you manage and allocate your
resources towards living an authentic and
purposeful life.
Here are the 10 steps I have identified to help
you turn
your money into a good friend and trusted
partner.
10 Steps to Creating a Healthy
Relationship with Money
- Create a vision for your life. Set authentic
goals.
- Figure out where you stand with your
money (emotionally and financially)
- Understand your cash inflows and
outflows
- Connect your spending to your goals and
values
- Stay out of "lifestyle" debt
- Talk openly and honestly about money
with loved ones
- Delegate, don't abdicate responsibility for
your money - educate and empower yourself
- Be grateful for what you have. Figure out
what 'enough' means to you.
- Develop a 'giving back' program
- Acknowledge your successes
Developing a healthy relationship to money
isn't a "get rich quick scheme" and does take
commitment, time, energy, and discipline,
but if you remember that money is simply a
tool to help you live the life you want, the
rewards are well worth it.
